A line in the sand
by robinh
Summary: Kono and Steve. Sometime during the first season. Messy, and crazy. There are lines in the sand you simply don't cross. This is what happens when you do.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Hawaii Five-0 or any of its characters. Everything you recognize doesn't belong to me.

**A/N: **It's longer than I have expected, and I had other ending on my mind when I came up with this. It turned out to be quite different, and I'm really surprised with this. Weird. I suspect, a bit OOC, too.

Well... hope you'll like it, even if it's a bit messy.

Please tell me what you think. Maybe I'll find the right way to end it...

* * *

The fact is that she's young and inexperienced, so when he shows up out of the blue one day, and offers her a place on his team, it's probably the best compliment she had ever got. She can't believe her luck, finding herself working in the prestigious position, with her cousin, no less, right by her side. She is so overwhelmed by the strange chain of events, she secretly keeps waiting for him to realize what a stupid mistake he had done, and kick her off the team.

She is working her butt off, trying to prove her worth. She spends so many hours near the computer, Danny makes a joke about her being an integral part of the office furniture. She grills Chin about every little detail she can think of, forcing him to go over each and every case, and do a backwards analysis to find mistakes and room for improvements. He _is_ the most patient man in the history of the universe, because he manages to play along with her constant nagging, without saying no, once.

()()()

She spends her weekends in the shooting range, trying to improve her aim. She was first in her class in long distance shooting, and had quite an impressive record in medium range as well, but after seven weeks, when she finally manages to cross the 95% percent barrier for 600 feet, it's the first time she feels even half way satisfied.

When she shoots a kidnapper from across the street, with a single shot to the head, practically saving the victims life, and doing it while Steve is in the middle of breaching in, she sees for the first time the impression she makes on him. His satisfied nod, and the way he says to her "nice shooting", make her beam with happiness, and blush like a schoolgirl.

()()()

Her major strength is probably with the undercover work she is able to pull off. She is actually more surprised at this than anyone. She was always a terrible liar, and way too embarrassed and self conscious to think she will be any good at it, so when Chin comes out with the idea for the first job, she thinks he must be out of his mind. He should know her well enough to realize she is not cut out for this shit, but he insists, and Steve is looking at her with big blue eyes, trying to figure out what she's made off, so she takes the challenge head-on. She makes an amazing performance then, fooling their target, and impressing her teammates with her ability to improvise under stressful and volatile circumstances. When the bullets start whistling in the air, and Steve is pulling her out, looking overwhelmed with her unexpected resilience, her natural talent in this, becomes the consensus.

She finds herself pushed towards similar jobs from then on, and some of the outfits they have her wear are no less than obscene. She can only thank her lucky stars that her mother is not there to see her. She's good and it, and she's brave, and she brings back results, and quite a few arrests, but she really fucking hates it.

()()()

...

()()()

There are lines in the sand you simply don't cross. He remembers his CO telling him this, after punishing him for fighting with his teammate on basic training. He got a full lecture then, about respect, comradeship, responsibility and honor, but he was so tired after being forced to run ten miles in the sand in full gear, so maybe this is why the speech was not fully registered. At least that's one of the explanations he can give himself for his current misconduct.

()()()

He should know things will go wrong, the minute Chin introduces her, and she turns out to be a young beautiful girl instead of the big Hawaiian man he was expecting. The fact that she's young and inexperienced, should push him to decline the older man's idea, and to look for another solution, but her sweet and eager enthusiasm, as well as his automatic trust in his father's old partner tells him she might actually be the right choice. He can feel it instinctively, when he looks at her smiling face. He wonders now, the right choice for what?

She is working her butt off, learning everything there is to learn about the computer system, quickly becoming the best in handling the complicated equipment. She spends hours and hours learning every detail and analyzing every case repeatedly, becoming an expert in police procedure as well. He hates to admit it, but he never has the patience to study all these tedious details, and she's actually becoming better than him, after only few weeks. It's lucky he doesn't really follow procedures, as a principle.

()()()

When he goes one Saturday to check out the HPD shooting range, he finds her lying on the pavement, practicing long range shooting. He stands there for what seems like hours, transfixed, watching her shooting bullet after bullet, not removing her eyes from the target. He can see the strain in her muscles, and the physical burden of balancing her long body, but she's maintaining her rhythm. He uses the telescopic sight he has on his own sniper rifle, following her aim and realizes she keeps an average score above 90%. He stifle the whistle that almost comes out, when he realizes how good her shooting is, and leaves, without making his presence there known to her. When he drives home, still imagining her long slender body sprawled on the pavement, he knows it shouldn't affect him the way that it does.

When she shoots a target down with a single shot to the head, practically saving the victim's life, and also his own, if he's being completely honest, he realizes she has nerves of steel, too.

()()()

It's the way she handles undercover work that becomes the biggest surprise for him. He's especially impressed by the way she is able to assume the different identities, and portray them so vividly without any preparation. The way she adjusts to the "changes in the script", and goes along with them, leaves him speechless every time. She proves herself as tough, and focused, and dedicated to the cause, and he finds himself forced to pull her out in two different occasions, because he feels she is risking herself too much. Danny laughs at her, and teases her about the skimpy dresses they make her wear, and he can see she really doesn't like to wear them, especially in front of the rest of them guys. He admits, some of the dresses are way out of his _own_ comfort zone, and it makes him look at her with unease whenever she walks by, preparing for these assignments. He hopes it's his old protective self that's kicking in, when she's going to the field dressed like that. But he honestly can't say.

()()()

...

()()()

It's the first case she gets credit for all by herself. It makes her so happy, so she makes all three of them to go celebrate in her favorite club. She is younger than them, and she likes to dance, and she tries not to care that Danny wears his tie and looks like a bank teller, and Chin feels out of place, and that Steve looks suspiciously at the big crowd around him, like they are all potential terrorists. She's happy, and they've promised, and she doesn't give a fuck _what_ they think. Even if she does, it soon goes away, after the second round, when she's drunk enough.

She leaves the three party poopers standing at the bar, and storms on the dance floor, jumping around with the booming music. She's letting her hair down, and her guards, and every trace of reserve she usually has, when she's carried away, and just dances. There are a few young men there, who approach her, and they try to dance with her, but she only smiles at them lightheartedly and pushing slightly away from their hesitant hands, moving on to the rhythm, closing her eyes, and smiling to herself.

()()()

He stands at the bar, with Danny and Chin. It's crowded and loud, and he looks at the scene around him with apparent unease. He finds console in the fact that Danny feels even more awkward than him, watching the moving bodies with alarm. Especially he has a problem with the exposed outfits all the young girls seem to wear, mumbling something about their parent's sense of shame. He can't believe he's agreed to this stupid idea, but she'd asked, and they've promised, because she said how much she loved it. He suddenly realizes how young she really is.

He take a sip from his beer, and leans against the bar, watching the dance floor, looking for her. When he sees her, dancing there on her own, he freezes. She is dancing in the middle of the floor, wearing her worn out jeans, and her way too short and way too tight little white tee shirt, and she moves to the music , her eyes closed, as though she's in a world of her own. Her movements are soft and she smiles to herself her sweet happy smile, and it makes him smile too, when he watches her. He can see the looks the other men on the dance floor throw at her, and the way they run their eyes all over her body, and he suddenly realizes he is clutching his jaw in response.

It's when the music changes all of a sudden, and a new, softer song is played in the background that she is forced out of her trance. She opens her eyes and looks around her in surprise. There's a young blonde guy, who makes his approach to her, running his hand at the side of his hair, and maybe that's what initiate his automatic action, to step in there.

()()()

She opens her eyes, when the music changes suddenly. She is still pretty excited, and filled with energy from her last dance, and the soft music makes her look around her with confusion, trying to find something else to keep her fire alive. She sees a blonde guy coming towards her, smiling seductively and running his eyes on her body, and she really prefers to avoid him, so it looks like she'll have to go back to the guys in the bar. When she turns towards her teammates, she sees _him_ approaching her on the floor.

He stands in front of her, close enough for her to be forced to raise her head to look at his face, and from the corner of her eye she can see the blonde guy stopping in his place and changing direction.

"I knew you weren't the typical wallflower after all..." she smiles at him, as she feels her face flushed with excitement.

"It looked like you were enjoying yourself" he says as he's getting even closer, and putting his hand on her waist "I thought I'd come to see what was all the fuss about. "

()()()

They move slowly together, and the joyous exchange they had, is changed into a serious, almost heavy silence. They look at each other, his blue eyes boring into her brown ones, and his breath tickling her cheek. He keeps his hand on her waist, lightly pushing her body to move against him, and he presses her closer, when she wraps her arms around his neck, giving in to the rhythm. The dancing bodies all around, are bumping into them, and there is such a big crowd, they find themselves pressed against each other more and more. It's sweaty and hot, and her heart is racing with his closeness, she is confident he can feel it beating against his chest.

When the song is over, and there is a moment of quiet, and darkness around them, just as the jumpy music starts again, he raises his free hand, and lifts her chin gently, leaning his head towards her, brushing his lips gently on hers. It's so soft, and so gentle, she is can hardly contain her amazement. The jumping bodies around them are a pure contradiction to this magical moment, she just can't fucking believe it's really happening. But it does. For a second. Because the next thing that happens is that Danny is pushing between them and pulls Steve away by his collar.

"Are you completely out of your mind?" she hears Danny's scream above all the noise, when she stands there trying to collect herself. Steve's answer is swallowed in the big cacophony around her, and in the loud pulsations that still deafen her ears.

()()()

She steps into HQ the next day, hoping to understand if something had changed, but when she comes in she finds him there, in his normal state of hyperactivity, focused on a new case. She tries to find a hint to the last night's occurrence in the way he looks at her or talk to her, but she can't. By lunch time, things are so devastatingly normal, she starts to doubt if something actually happened. It's the way that Danny acts which proves to her that things are not quite the same. He is being extremely nice to her, gentle and attentive, and he keeps looking at Steve with anxious suspicion, every time he makes a move less than six feet from her.

()()()

The first time they're alone together is two days later. He has to go to meet the governor, and she is heading to the lab. When they step into the elevator, he makes his way to the back, leaning on the wall, while she stays next to the door. It's a short ride, of five floors, but it feels like it takes forever. She can physically feel him watching her from behind the whole time.

()()()

He stands in the back of the elevator, watching her standing in front of him, watching the numbers change slowly, and he can practically sense her unease. He feels for her, he does, but he really wish this ride will never end. It's the first opportunity he has to just stop, and look at her. Without cases, or assignments, or Danny lurking around, sending him murderous glares. He runs his eyes on her slender body, and he can practically relive the way he had her pressed against him, and gets a sudden rush of excitement. It takes all of his will power to stay where he is, and not to crash her against the fucking wall. When the elevator stops, she walks out immediately, not turning back. When he's able to breathe again, he does the same.

()()()

It's getting easier from then on. She is comfortable with his well portrayed detachment, and he is able to take the pressure off by running and swimming twice instead of only once a day. The fact that Danny is still looking at him closely is yet another restraining factor. After a few weeks, even he, can let the matter go.

()()()

It's when they have a difficult case, and she goes undercover again that things are getting more complicated. They're trying to keep track on a gun shipment in the docs, and she plays a rich yacht owner, spending all her time with the playboys in the marina. They watch her for days, as she tries to figure out the identity of their gun runner, and she does, when she's invited for dinner on one of the yachts. Their target catches her in the middle of her snooping around though, and attacks her on the deck, almost choking her to death. They watch in relief how she manages to release herself from his grip, and throw a few punches of her own. He's strong though, and is able to catch her again, and throw her on the floor, kicking her a few times, hurting her. She never gives up. Kicking him back and causing him to fall, when she launches on top of him, for another attack, Steve is finally there, grabbing him by his clothes and throwing him against the railings. He keeps hitting him in the face, frantically, without stopping, almost breaking his skull.

The guy is a bloody mess when he turns around to look at her, and sees her bruised face, and the red imprints of fingers on her neck.

"You Ok?" he asks, looking at her carefully.

"I'm fine" she grumbles, wiping the blood on her sleeve.

"I'm taking you to a refresher course in hand to hand combat at the Naval base, this weekend" he informs her.

"I was doing OK on my own" she protests against his lack of confidence "I had it all under control, even before you intervened."

"I know. You punched him pretty good" he nods in agreement "but the next guy who tries that with you, I want him fucking dead!"

()()()

He picks her up at her house on Saturday morning and they drive to the Naval base, where he is obviously well connected. He has a key to the training center and he opens it, showing her a big boxing arena, weights in different sizes, and multiple punching bags.

He shows her where to put her bag, and makes sure that her shoes are well tied, and surprises her by sending her to do twenty laps around the big room as a warm up. He laughs when she complains about his obsessive approach, and explains that she's quite good at running as it is, so he is forced to join her, and it becomes a running contest, which he wins, only she almost steals it from him, when she tackles him, and causes him to fall.

()()()

They continue the training using the punching bag. He secures it while she's slamming her fists into it, and he fixes her posture and her sequence, as he's taking her blows. He tells her to add kicks to her attack, and shows her how to coordinate everything and to protect her own body. He's a really good teacher, because he can read her movements accurately every single time. With the small adjustments she makes under his instructions, she can see that he's practically fighting to hold the punching bag in place. Finally, there are no more remarks, and he just watches her movements, looking very pleased.

She is all sweaty and tight, but she's exhilarated with the rush of adrenalin, so she begs him to leave the punching bag and let her try sparring with him, to imitate what supposed to be a real fight. He is reluctant to do it at first, telling her she's way too exhausted at this point, but she begs, and she smiles, and promises to do all the boring paperwork for him, so even though he knows, this will never end well, he finally complies.

()()()

They have an initial round, and he manages to throw her on the floor in a few seconds, surprising her with a low kick to the back of her legs. When she gets up, he can see that special glint she has in her eyes, when her mind is set on something. It's funny, because she just stands there for a second, watching him, and it actually makes him a little nervous, but when she charges on him again, he is quite ready for her, taking hold of her shoulders, turning her around, with her back pressed to his chest, as he captures her hands. She gets free though, and leans forward, pulling her arms down, so he has to fight for balance for a fraction of a second, and it's enough to give her time to push against his shoulder, and he's dropped to the ground. Before he has to time get up, she's already on top of him, tightening her grip on his throat, and he catches her legs with his own, and slides himself from under her, getting free again, back on his feet. She jumps right after him, and he manages to block a few kicks she sends to his groin as well as some fists to his head. The years of surfing made her legs strong and lithe, and he spends a lot of energy, as she forces him to walk backwards, trying to avoid her mean blows. She makes a final kick then, sending her long leg, in the middle of his step, and he falls to the ground again. Now, when she's on top of him she holds his legs, forcefully, with her own, and her arms force his, to stay on the floor. She hovers above him, breathless from the effort, the adrenalin, and from the smell of him lying beneath her.

"Give up" she demands.

"I can't"

"I won. You're mine." she hisses, lowering her head towards him "you have to!"

"I can't" he says again, desperately, his breaths are labored and shallow. Before she has the time to finish her descend and kiss him, he is using his superior strength and weight, flipping them over. He hovers above her, and reaches his hand to remove a few strands of hair that cover her flushed face. Then, his lips finds hers.

()()()

They have intense, overwhelming, exhausting sex on the training center's floor. They move together, holding each other desperately, submerged in hot, delicious pleasure, as they're teetering on the verge of insanity.

They lie there, afterwards, naked, and silent. him on his back, and her, with her head tucked under his chin, as they watch the ceiling quietly, thinking on their next step.

"You're sorry we've done it" she says, at last.

"I am" he confesses, feeling her silent gasp as he says it, "it can't be good for any of us. Especially you."

"It can't?" she asks, trying to hide the pain his last statement had caused her, because she doesn't understand why he makes this distinction.

"God... you're so young" he says in despair.

"I'm not a child, you know..."

"No... you're not."

"Don't worry" she tells him, sitting up, and starting to collect her clothes "I won't let it happen again."

()()()

She doesn't let it. She's almost surprised when this time, after they actually _had_ their steamy and desperate connection, she can find within her, the ability to go back to routine, so easily. She suspects it got to do with the fact that she's calling the shots now, making him conform with her determined resolution. She uses all of her emotional strength, to forget that he was the one to actually say no.

()()()

He's going back to his easy cushioned routine, and is able to conform with her determined resolution to deny the whole thing. It doesn't help that he was the one to actually draw the line in the sand, at that point, he knows perfectly well, he would not have been able to keep his distance, on his own. He finds himself positioning her beside him when they storm a target, or involved in a shoot out. He stays late, to go over her gear, making sure that her Kevlar vest is not damaged, and that her weapons are in good shape. He makes crazy plans, to avoid sending her to the field on her own, and declares to Danny that he no longer believes in undercover jobs. As the weeks go by, he realizes he can't turn off the roaring, feral scream he has within him, every time he sees her.

()()()

He makes a desperate move, at the end. He goes to the bar near the Naval base, where he knows he might find someone to help him. He hopes that if he would be able to fulfill his most basic, immediate needs, he could actually get a little break from her. He enters the bar, and is happy to see the familiar uniforms at every corner. There aren't many locals here, and his ranks might actually give him an edge. This is the whole point, after all.

He spots her sitting in the far corner of the bar. She is wearing her uniform, and he's satisfied to see that she's high enough in the chain of command, for it not be completely inappropriate. She is nice looking, with his favorite dark hair, and he doesn't even feel a hint of attraction towards her. She's perfect.

He gulps down his beer, to try and hate himself less, and approaches her with his trade mark smile, and his usual air of arrogance. It takes him two rounds of drinks to convince her to go home with him.

()()()

Her name is Catherine, and she is constantly travelling back and forth from the island to the Philippines, as a Naval intelligence officer. They discover that they worked together previously on at least two assignments, and the fact that she knows what he does, and have actually heard about him, allows him to convince himself that he's not a total bastard after all. He brings her back to his place, and gets her another drink. After twenty minutes he has her naked in his bed, whispering his name as she comes.

It's good, and it's clean, and she tells him, smiling, how impressed she is with his body and his... well... and he should feel flattered and more relaxed, but he doesn't. He lets her fall asleep in his bed, and goes outside to the little bay he has behind his house, and jumps into the silent water, diving deep, so she wouldn't hear his frustrated scream.

()()()

The reason he chooses her, is the fact that she's calm and obliging on the morning after. He hands her a cup of coffee and waits to hear her asking about seeing him again, but she only stands there, smiling, tacking her hair into her ponytail, not expecting anything. His inner roar had subsided somewhat after their well coordinated hookup, and it looks like she'll be willing to make recurrent appearances in his bed, so he just goes for it. When he goes to work that day, even Danny can tell something is different.

()()()

She tries to go back to square one. To focus on the more important things, like her skills and her assignments and her career. She has to admit, he is trying his best to allow it, keeping his distance and treating her like any other subordinate on the team. Only... she can see the way he's scrutinizing every single thing she does. Making her follow his leads in the more dangerous assignments, keeping her beside him, showing no confidence in her ability to focus and keep safe. It drives her crazy, when she's done feeling insulted, and she works extra hard to prove herself to the fucking arrogant bastard. He shows no sign of satisfaction, with her achievements. No sign of anything, come to think of it. It's lucky Danny is such a chatty person, and that she's spending most of her time with Chin, because the tangible tension they have between them, would have potentially dismantled the team.

()()()

They have a new case. On the weekend. Again. She's the first one to get the call, when she's back home, after her morning surf. Danny is ranting away when she calls him, complaining about everything, so when he asks if she wants him to pick her up, she decides, as a self preservation measure, to send him to pick up Chin. She's still trying to push away Danny's obnoxious remarks, when she calls Steve and informs him about the case, and she's way too distracted perhaps, when she's trying to find the right location, because she says she'll be picking him up in fifteen minutes. When she pulls the car outside of his home, and steps out of it, starting towards the house, the door opens, and there's a woman coming out, wearing a black little dress, and heels. She stops on the spot, when she sees her, leaning to kiss him goodbye. She smiles awkwardly towards the strange woman, watching her walking to a taxi that waits there.

()()()

It's hard to describe what she feels at the moment. She really wishes it could have been rage. Rage she can handle. Hot, blood boiling, uncontrolled rage, that will have her react properly, with slugging him, and make him bleed. So, the fact that he's sitting next to her in the speeding car, all safe and sound, after he nonchalantly closed the door behind him, and silently took his place there, suggests that it's not rage after all. There's a thin film of tears in her eyes, that she needs to blink away from time to time, and a suffocating tightness in her throat, that makes it difficult to breathe. The way he sits, staring blankly at the road, clenching his jaw, in the typical way he does when he's unsure of something, doesn't make it any better.

()()()

He can see that she's hurt by the mortified expression she has on her face, when she first sees Catherine. He tries to think about something to say, or of some kind of explanation, but he knows that it would only hurt her more, so he's keeping his silence. The way she is able to collect herself, and drive them to the murder scene, is no less than remarkable. Especially when he can see her holding the wheel so tightly, her knuckles are white. He tries to tell himself that that was the whole point, in having Catherine in his life in the first place. It's supposed to help him free himself from the strong magnetic pull she has on him, and He's trying to tell himself that it's all for the best, and it will help them rehabilitate their shaky relationship. When he sees the pain in her eyes, he's not sure if the price would be worth it.

()()()

She turns to Danny. Like Chin always says, you have to use the best resource you have. She mentions the woman to him, in a casual way when they eat lunch, and sees his eyebrows elevates so high, they almost reaching his hairline. By the end of the day he has Steve, reluctantly, spilling everything. He has all the information about Catherine, and about the way they met, and their relationship. It's alarmingly detailed. She half expects him to have her SSN, as well.

()()()

It shouldn't affect her so much. She knows. But the fact that he met her after their own... whatever..., makes it almost insulting. She has no place to interfere, she admits, especially when she was the one to declare herself off the table, but she can't help it. She hopes it's because of the excessive amount of tequila she gulps, right before she knocks on his door.

She knows Catherine is not there, because Danny mentioned something about her coming mostly on the weekends, and she has the small hope he will not let her in his bed, on the very first day she finds out about them. She's right. He opens his door, wearing a tight black tee shirt, and a pair of grey sweat pants, and when he looks at her wild appearance, running his eyes on her body, stopping on her red lips, she finds herself fighting hard not to kiss him. She has no other option, because she was the one who told him it was out of the question, so the only way she can think of to express herself well, is to punch him hard on his mouth. He takes it silently, just turns his head for a second, wiping the blood from his bruised lip. So she does it again, because he looks like he's just going to stand there and take it. When he still doesn't budge, she does it again. And again. And again. Until her knuckles are numb, and he captures her fists, and holds her against him, and kisses her.

()()()

They don't even close the door, because he presses her against it, and attacks her mouth first, and then her neck and her breasts, after violently ripping her top off. She pulls at his hair, making him gasp with the pain, so she could find his lips again. She clings to his strong body, feeling his hand working on her shorts, then he slams inside her, without any warning, and she's biting his neck so hard, it makes him shout sharply from the pain. She can taste blood, and she has no idea if it's from his lips or from his neck, or from her fucking bleeding heart.

()()()

It doesn't change anything. She's walking out on him still slumped against the door, exhausted. He watches her putting her shorts back on, and giving up on her torn shirt, taking his instead. She puts it on, pulling her hair through the collar, wrapping it in a bun. Then she leaves. Doesn't say a word. The door remains opened the entire time.

()()()

It's weeks again. Weeks of the same semi comfortable routine. The fact that she was able to release some of the tension, that was build inside her, makes it bearable enough not to damage their work. She hears from Danny that he still sees that Navy woman, and she can honestly say she's not surprised. The pain is easier to swallow when she can see, sometimes, the new scar he has on the side of his neck. It gives her a sense of ownership to his body. It's in a perfect location, he has to see it every time he's standing in front of the mirror. She hopes Catherine can see it, too.

()()()

He keeps seeing Catherine as a desperate way to keep himself sane. He hopes that the constant involvement with someone else, will give him at least the delusion of freedom of choice. It doesn't. Catherine is too pale and pliant in comparison to the Hawaiian wild flower that haunts his dreams. She is too casual about him, too obliging. She does everything he wants her to do, in bed and out of it. She's stress free, and boring, and predicted, and unchallenging. He can't bring himself to feel anything for her, because she's so transparent, he can hardly even see her. When he stands in front of the mirror, brushing his teeth or shaving, he can see the scar she had made on his neck. He touches it occasionally. He wonders, if they'd open his chest and look at his heart, will they find a similar mark?

()()()

It's the governor's gala night, and the whole team is there, in formal attire. She'd never been to something like this. When she had to participate in similar events during her surfing and championships days, she was always the first to sneak out and drag the other surfers for an evening of heavy drinking, barefoot on the beach. It's not the case tonight. Steve is perfectly clear on what is in stake, suggesting that the governor expects to show them off as the private little war toy of the big protector of the island. She wears a long deep purple dress, that exposes her back and her long neck. Her hair is arranged carefully on her head, when she sees the appreciative looks of the men around her, it makes her feel beautiful and sexy. She tries to fit in with the big and sophisticated crowd. She sips her Champaign, looking around her in curiosity. He breath catches suddenly, when she sees him, standing in the doorway, dressed impeccably with a well tailored tuxedo, as he looks around him, in a resentful way, which makes her smile despite of herself. She's not smiling anymore, when he turns around and holds Catherine by her elbow, gallantly escorting her in.

()()()

He can feel her presence, even before he sees her. When he does, he almost chokes with the waive of emotion that floods him. From the moment he sees her, he can't see anything else clearly. It's like her beautiful, sensual, captivating image is burned on his retina, and she's there, everywhere he looks. His heart misses a beat when he sees her lips trembling when she identifies Catherine, who is standing happily beside him. She leaves after ten minutes. Doesn't even wait to see Chin.

()()()

He tells Danny he has to go to HQ to pick something for the governor, and tells Catherine to hang around with the team, until he comes back. He is sitting in his truck in less than three minutes, driving to her house.

()()()

She has no idea what makes her more disappointed, seeing him there with his girlfriend, or the fact that she gave up the fight. When she gets home she is so frustrated, she almost breaks the door when she slams it shut. She stands in the middle of her living room, trying to decide what to do next. Her makeup is all messed up from the tears, and she tugs at her hair to let it cover her face. She can't breaths in this beautiful dress, she was so excited to wear earlier, so she decides to go to her bedroom, to take it off, before drinking herself to sleep. When she stands in front of the mirror, trying to pull the zipper down, she can't fucking reach it. She is so mad, at this stupid obstacle, and she has no idea if to laugh or to cry, as she tries it again, unsuccessfully.

"Keep it on" he says from behind her. That fucking ninja, she didn't even hear him come in.

"What do you want?" she asks from behind her back, trying to avoid him for a few more seconds.

"Keep the dress on" he says again, as he holds her against him, kissing her neck.

He makes love to her in a slow, intense, non hurried way, while she's still in her dress, and nothing more. His mouth and his tongue leave hot and wet trails all over her. _All over her_. She reaches her peak twice, and clutches his arms as she does. He finds his release a long time afterwards, joining her when she comes again, hissing silently into her hair.

()()()

She lies on the bed, still in her deep purple dress, propped on her elbows, watching him getting dressed again.

"You're going back to her, aren't you?"

He doesn't answer, just keeps looking into her eyes, as he puts his tie back on, and shrugs into his jacket.

"You're a fucking bastard, you know that?" she cries, throwing a pillow on his head "you're cheating on her with me!"

"No" he tells her, crossing his arms on his chest "in this whole fucked up and unholy mess, babe, _I'm cheating on you_."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Thank you all for your reviews, and support. It was amazing to read. You are great. I appreciate the time and the attention so much, you have no idea.

This is a direct continuation of the first chapter. Originally it was supposed to be released together in the same chapter, but I thought that a first chapter of 10,000 words will be too much... :)

I know perfectly well that this doesn't have a proper ending yet. I'm not sure how the ending is going to be. Your comments will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks again, and hope you'll like it, as well.

**This fic was written listening to "9 crimes" by Damien Rice.**

R.

* * *

She lies on the bed, still in her deep purple dress, propped on her elbows, watching him getting dressed again.

"You're going back to her, aren't you?"

He doesn't answer, just keeps looking into her eyes, as he puts his tie back on, and shrugs into his jacket.

"You're a fucking bastard, you know that?" she cries, throwing a pillow on his head "you're cheating on her with me!"

"No" he tells her, crossing his arms on his chest "in this whole fucked up and unholy mess, babe, I'm cheating on you."

()()()

It's worse somehow. Looking at him walking away after admitting to her, in his own limited way, how weak he really is. How, like her he is totally out of control here. She takes the beautiful dress off, and buries it deep in the closet. She knows, when she takes a last look at the exquisite fabric, she will never wear it again. The hot water in the shower seem to wash the last of her resolves, and it feels like they wash the outer skeleton that protects her, because she suddenly loses her ability to stand, crashing on the shower floor, head between her arms, and cries. The water are cold long before she is able to stand up again, and walk back to her bedroom.

()()()

He takes Catherine home after the gala night, and they drive in silence. It takes him some time, until he realizes that there should be a line somewhere, even if he can hardly sees it anymore. The word _respect_ is running around in his brain, and he's so disgusted with himself, he just changes course, in the middle of the road, and drives to her hotel. He doesn't talk, or even bothers to explain the sudden change in their direction, and she never asks. She kisses him goodbye, and goes to her room, and he drives home, and get into bed. He doesn't shower, because he can still sense her scent lingers on his body.

They don't work the next day, and he's calmer somehow, maybe from the fact that he wakes up in the morning and discovers that he actually, unexpectedly, survived this. It's Catherine's last day in Hawaii for the rest of the month, so he goes to her hotel and sleeps with her.

()()()

It's a case that hits her too close to home. The victim is the man who was like a father figure to her. He was the one who built her, and made her who she is. The fact that he is killed, in the ocean, less than sixty feet away from her, should have destroy her on the spot, but when he gets there, worried, she's anything but destroyed. She's focused, and alert and enraged. The fact that she swallows too many times, and that he can see her shakes her head from time to time to get rid of the tears, is the only indication of the enormous pain she's in. Chin thinks she can handle it, and usually he relies on the older man's judgment without any reservations, but one look at her, and he decides not to take the risk.

"You're sitting this one out" he tells her, holding her arm forcefully when she tries to continue with the long process of questioning the dozens of witnesses they have there.

"I'm fine" she spits, trying to get free from his hold.

"You've heard me" he shakes her forcefully, almost pulling her arm out, as he looks pointedly into her eyes. He's not kidding. The next thing she does, is walking away, not even arguing.

He looks at her retreating back, and finds himself fighting to breathe with the choking sensation he has in his throat. Danny who is calling him from the other side, is the only thing that prevents him from running after her.

()()()

She goes to the morgue, and asks Max to let her see the body. It's been two days since the murder, and she spent most of them alone in HQ next to the computer, examining pictures and doing background checks for some of the witnesses. He does allow her to see some of the more material witnesses, namely the ones she knew from back then, but never on her own, and only while he's keeping a close watch on her the entire time. She is too sad during these days, so she has no energy to even get angry, even if the fact that that he stands there watching her like a hawk all the time, expecting her to crumble down at any minute, should have insulted her enough to at least, tell him to fuck off. After all, more than anyone, he should know that she is tougher than this. She's even tougher than he is. They both know it.

So when Chin mentions that Max had finished with the body, and it's going to be released for cremation soon, she goes to the morgue to say goodbye. She asks Max for a few minutes alone, and he can see enough on her face to tell her that he will give her as much time as she needs, and to go to the other room.

She stands in front of Ian's body, and it's cold there, and she wonders, suddenly, why the room is so dark. She guesses, that dead people doesn't miss the sunlight anymore, and this is when she starts to shake uncontrollably. It's stupid, really because she can see perfectly well that Ian is not even there anymore. He would never lie like this in the dark and the cold, away from the ocean and away from the sun. He's nowhere. She feels so alone. Max's piano is heard through the wall, and she's dizzy all of a sudden, with the pain and the smell and the constant effort not to cry, and her ability to prevent it is diminishing by the second.

She hears a rattle behind her, and hears the door being opened and then closed, and she hopes beyond hope that... her nerves are so strained, that when she turns sharply around, and sees him standing there, the tears just start falling. She has no reserves anymore, and he stands there, as the only solid thing in the wobbling world surrounding her, she just runs. She crashes against him, and he lifts her up in his strong arms, and holds her tight against him, and lets her cry violently into his strength.

()()()

She hangs on his neck, and buries her head deep in the crook of his neck, and he wraps his arms around her back, and holds her delicate figure with so much confidence, she can wrap her legs around him, and just hold him for dear life. He lets her cry, in silence, breathing into her hair, just holding her against him, and rocking her gently as if she was a little girl.

She cries silently against him, and the tears are soaking his shirt, and threatening to drown his heart, too. She's heavy, and suffocating, and he feels like every second she's pressed against him will make it harder for him to let her go, at the end. He never moves though, lets her have whatever piece of him she needs at this moment. Max's piano is still heard from the other room.

()()()

She's done, eventually, and he lets her put her feet tentatively back on the ground. She stands in front of him, with her hands on his shoulders, looking at the floor, and he strokes her hair a few times, and lets her take three deep breaths, to collect herself. Then, she removes her hands from his shoulders, still looking at her feet, and not at him, and he turns around, quietly, and leaves.

()()()

She looks at the closed door, long after he's already gone. After that, she goes and covers Ian's body, before she leaves, too. As she closes the door behind her, on the cold and dark room, she notices, she doesn't shake anymore.

()()()

The ocean is the only solid thing she has in her life at this point. She spends all of her mornings riding the waves and feeling the wind around her. The sea is loud, and it's constantly gushing, and the waves are high and unpredicted, this time of the year, but despite that, with her board, on the water, it's the only place where she feels stable. When she walks into HQ every morning, sun kissed, and still smells like the salty water she was submerged in for the last few hours, she feels clean and pure. It's good, and comforting, and necessary, because every time she sees him, she feels dirty all over again.

()()()

He swims every morning, before he goes to work. He's been doing it for years, as a part of his exercise routine, but instead of swimming in the training pool, like he'd always done, he chooses to do it in the ocean. It's stupid he knows, especially this time of the year when the waves are high and unpredictable, but he does it anyway. He is fighting constantly against the pull of the ocean, and the turmoil around him, diving deep to shut all the noise out, and regain his sense of balance. When he walks into HQ every morning, sun kissed, and still smells like the salty water he was submerged in for the last few hours, it gives him a sense of control. It's good, and comforting, and necessary, because it allows him to face her with some dignity, so he could actually concentrate on his job.

()()()

They have another case of a young woman who was found dead in her home. It's a complicated case, with a lot of information, and there's a lot of leg work to be done. As the lines are not entirely clear, they find themselves cooperating with HPD more than usual. He doesn't feel comfortable with the joint efforts at first, but it works, somehow, and even _he_ is able to avoid colliding with the investigator in charge. They make progress, and it's going well, so he guesses, this is what matters.

It's the first time she has the opportunity, to work with her old friends from the academy, and he can see how happy it makes her feel. She is laughing a lot, and they are all look really happy to see her, joking around with her, and teasing her on her luxurious job. He feel relieved at first, to see how much love and appreciation she gets from every one, because she's really unique like that, she always was, and it looks for a second, like she came back to them. It's been ages and ages since he saw her infectious smile, and heard her joyful remarks and heard her laugh out loud. The relief and pleasure he feels when he sees how her old happy self reviles itself all of a sudden, are changed to a sense of dread and guilt when he remembers who caused the change in her on the first place.

When she introduces her friends to the rest of the team, and all of her friends demand to meet him, probably because of the tales of his exploits that running in HPD halls, he is happy to oblige. He is trying to be nice and pleasant to all of them, and asks for their names and about what they do, but when he looks at her, searching for her approval, he catches her looking away for a second, and she doesn't look happy at all. When they keep on with the case, and he still follows her with his eyes, like he always does, he wonders if her happy face are just a mask that she wears. That their all life now, are like one big undercover job.

()()()

Mark is her friend from the academy, and he works with the chief investigator on this case. She really likes Mark, from long time ago, when they had most of their training together. _He_ likes her even more. He takes the opportunity to hang around her as much as he can, arranging for them to go to interview witnesses together, and invites her to drive with him to the lab, and it's fun. The attention he pays her, and his beautiful smile every time he looks at her, reminds her of the existence of other options. He brings her lunch one day, and they sit on the desk in her office, swallowing the fried shrimps, and tasting each other's food as they laugh about some past anecdotes from the academy years, and her giggles fill the normally quiet room. He's sweet, and he's charming, and she feels so relaxed and free around him, she doesn't even mind that he's touching her chick and pushes her hair behind her ear, as he talks about the crash he had on her during their training days. When he takes her empty container away from her, and asks her to go out with him, she finally snaps out of it. He asks again, probably because he thinks she didn't hear him, and it's a good guess at this point, because she is sitting there on her desk, with a sweet lovely guy next to her, with his mouth close to her ear, as he whispers to her how attracted he is to her, and how amazing she is, as she's looking at Steve who is standing at the other side of the glass wall and glares at her with a hardly contained rage.

()()()

She tells Mark she has to go, and she jumps off the desk, and pushes him out of her office and leads him to the elevator. When the elevator comes, just before he steps in it, he turns, and gives her a peck on the lips, and tells her to call him. When the elevator's doors close on him, Steve is pulling her forcefully by the hand, and pushes her inside the lockers room, and locks the door behind them.

()()()

"I'll kill him" he shouts. Livid. As he stands in front of her, holding her arms, and pinning her forcefully against the lockers. He's so close, she has to put her arms on his chest and push him back , before he crashes into her. "He touches you, and I'll kill him" he screams again.

"You've got some nerves..." she shouts back, trying to fight him off, pushing against his chest, and looking up into his burning blue eyes. He really has her scared with the amount of violence he seems to project.

"I don't give a fuck" he hisses, holding her hands pressed above her against the lockers "you should know, if you let someone near you, you risk their lives."

He leaves her there near the lockers, and walks away, slamming the door behind him as he leaves the room. She only slides to the floor, silently, still trembling with the intensity of his words. The fucked up thing in all of this, is that she already knows, she will never be able to let anyone near her, anyway.

()()()

It's weeks again. Weeks of work, and tensed, but well controlled silence between them. Apparently you can get used to everything, how else would you explain the fact that he's not losing his mind, and she is able to work in this situation. His hook ups with Catherine are so embedded in his routine by now, he can hardly feel the guilt anymore. It looks like it's working, because the team is working well together, and he never sees her with anyone else. He makes sure, of course, monitoring her phone and checking on her occasionally. He keeps Catherine away from the radar, as a courtesy, as she seems to hold her part of the bargain, and for a glorious period of time, he has the feeling that this whole mess is going to finally solve itself, and he'll be free. Until she steps into his office and tells him she's leaving.

()()()

She wants to take a vacation, and he can't fucking believe it, so the first thing he says is no. But she insists, explains that she needs some time to herself, and that the case load is low and the timing is right, and it has nothing to do with him, so he has to let her go. He is still saying no, after a week of constant requests, so she brings Chin and the guy asks him again, on her behalf. He can't say no anymore. Not without exposing his true meaning anyway. He lets her take ten personal days, but he insists that she'd stay in Hawaii, and threaten to drag her back to work, if the cases will require it, and they both know that he's being unfair, and cruel, but she takes what she can get. When she leaves the room, it takes him a while until he realizes what he feels. He's scared.

He is able to wait for almost two days before he finds himself driving to her favorite surfing point, and standing from afar watching her surf with his binoculars, two hours every morning before work. He waits next to her house, until she comes back in the evening from her mother's house, or from meeting her friends, making sure she's there, and alone, and he stays in his car outside of her house, until the last of her lights is turned off. Then, he leaves, getting back to his bed, where Catherine is sleeping, half of the time.

()()()

It seems like a good idea in the beginning when she makes her decision to create a distance between them. But it's harder than she had expected, not being able to see him at work every day. Fuck! she can't believe the strong hold he has on her. She is sad, and she's mad, and she's out of control, and wants to fucking kill somebody. Until she start noticing his car, following her around every night. She should be angry, or at the very least, insulted, and she should go out, and fucking shoot his precious truck, if she's being completely honest. But then she realizes, just as she's about to do exactly that, what is actually going on. He can't stay away, can't he? _He can't fucking stay away_. She owns his fucking soul. Deserves him right, the bastard, she can almost smile when she makes this realization. She sleeps well that night.

She drives by his house the next day, when he's at work, and driving around with Danny in the Camaro. She finds his truck parked there, and she shoots two bullets in the driver's door. Just as a message, telling him "I know".

()()()

When she's finally back to work, he invites the whole team to a barbeque at his place, and he can't really help it, but it's in the same weekend that Catherine is there. When he realizes that this is the case, his first instinct is to call the thing off, and not risk it, but in an instant of vanity or lack of good judgment, decides to put himself to the test. He keeps it a secret though, because he's afraid she'll bail out, and won't come. He knows perfectly well, that as hard as it would be on the both of them, he can't stand not seeing her, after he was waiting for her to come back to him for so long.

()()()

She walks into his house, carrying a bowl of pineapple salad she made especially to freak Danny out, and turns to the kitchen to find Catherine standing there, preparing the food. This is so unexpected, and the woman is there, in the most domesticated way, she almost drops the bowl to the floor. She is able to reach the counter in time, and to hold it for support, before she herself will drop to the ground too, and by the time Catherine is turning around to see her, she is already back in control. The guys are outside, drinking and talking, next to the grill, and when Catherine smiles kindly towards her, she mumbles something about going to the bathroom, and disappears into the small chamber. She is standing in front of the mirror, breathing deeply a few times, until she is able to will herself back from her stupor. She can do it, eventually, even if It takes a few trials to dry her eyes from the tears.

()()()

When she goes outside, she is well collected again, greeting the guys politely, and accepting a beer from Chin. He looks at her with intent from behind the grill, impressed by her calmness and her strength, but when Danny starts ranting about her choice of salad ingredients, and Chin and Catherine look quite entertained by his uncontrolled banter, he notices that Kono and him are the only ones who aren't laughing.

They eat the food, and drink the beer, and the atmosphere is nice, mostly because of Danny and Catherine who makes jokes at his expense, making everybody laugh with the comparisons they make, until it looks like she can't stand it anymore and excuses herself. He walks after her into the house, and finds her looking for her keys near the front door, and he takes a hold of her arm and pulls her upstairs without saying a word.

He takes her into his bedroom, and locks the door behind them, and she shakes her head forcefully, and tries to release her hand from his grip, but it's weak, and after a few noncommittal attempts, she stops.

"What do you want from me?" she sighs, her shoulders are slumped, and she looks so tired all of a sudden. He just pulls her against him, and kisses her gently, holding her head in place as his tongue claims her mouths, and he takes her breath away.

He makes love to her on his bed, and she moves with him, holding him desperately, breathing her sorrow in his ear, as he brings her time after time to her breaking point. The sound of Danny, Catherine and Chin talking right under the window is heard the entire time.

()()()

"Please, let me go" she begs, when he's crashed on top of her, her words come out broken and desperate, like a cry from the deep.

"I can't" he whispers.

"Leave her, then" she offers. He just kisses her again, making her open her mouth to him, tasting her tears.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Ok, it looks like I made most of you to hate Steve. I'm sorry about that, because it wasn't my intention. I know he's a jerk, he sleeps with Catherine, and can't stop his obsession with Kono, and they are both hurting and miserable (honestly, in which proper love story there isn't some suffering and pain anyway?) I love Steve. I really honestly do. I really thought he was suffering more than Kono was, and that all his actions were the result of weakness, more than anything else.

Anyway. It continues. Please tell me what you think.

R.

* * *

"Please, let me go" she begs, when he's crashed on top of her, her words come out broken and desperate, like a cry from the deep.

"I can't" he whispers.

"Leave her, then" she offers. He just kisses her again, making her open her mouth to him, tasting her tears.

()()()

He _does_ leave Catherine after that. He can't help not to. He stands on the beach behind his house watching the waves breaking softly against the sand, and he knows that he had finally crossed the line. The team had left a couple of hours ago, and Catherine is inside preparing for bed, and he just stands there glued to his place, seeing Kono's face everywhere he looks. She didn't make a scene, didn't fight, didn't argue, didn't called him names or cursed him. Honestly, there's not a single thing like that, that he hadn't already done on his own. When Catherine comes and stands behind him, gently encircling his body with her arms, he tells her they are done.

"It's her, isn't it?" she asks, and he doesn't even have to ask her who she's talking about. "I've seen the way you look at her."

"It doesn't matter" he says. It's true, because at this point, he wouldn't be surprised if he'd already lost her for good.

"You don't deserve her." Catherine says, before she goes to pack the few items she had left scattered around his house. He never turns around, never says goodbye. They both know it was bound to happen eventually. Catherine's words echoes in his mind. She's right, he knows he doesn't.

()()()

He wakes up early in the morning with what suspiciously feels like a panic attack, and spends about half an hour regaining his breath and collecting himself. He takes the sheets off the bed, and throws them in the laundry basket, and goes over the house, religiously, looking for anything Catherine might have left. When he's done, he goes for a swim, and runs a few miles, only then he's unwind enough to take a shower and go to work.

()()()

There's one thing he learned with the SEALs and that is the effectiveness of physical punishments, and the humbling influence of the not so figurative 'roll in the dirt'. When the team comes to work, a few minutes after him, he already has a plan.

He teams up with Chin, for a miniscule assignment that consists mostly of transferring forms from Five-0 to HPD, and it's during their drive back in the van to HQ, when he tells him absolutely everything. He can see Chin's expression changes from an amused one, when he thinks it's all some kind of a joke, to a serious, and then a furious one, when he realizes exactly what he's telling him. He tells everything, fast, without even stopping to breathe, leaving nothing out. He tells about the first time in the club and about fucking her on the training center's floor, and tells about Catherine's part in all of this, the threats, the arguments, the begging... when he gets to the last time at his house, when the rest of the team was only a few feet away, Chin reaches his limit.

He stops the car violently, and yanks Steve's door, almost tearing it off its hinges. He drags his not even partially resisting body out, and slamming it against the car.

When he looks into the older man's eyes, and sees so much hurt, it almost takes his breath away and he's not sure if he'd done the right thing, but when Chin delivers the first stroke, it makes sense again, because it's just what he wants him to do.

He doesn't make a move, not even to try to protect himself, and the only thing that stops the attack, eventually, is the fact that Chin is getting tired, and that it looks like Steve has lost consciousness. Chin stands above his team leader's battered body, and holds his face in his hands, trying to stop the shakings.

()()()

They drive back to HQ, and Steve is a bloody mess, leaning against the window, grimacing with the throbbing pain caused by every turn the car takes.

"Why did you tell me?" Chin asks in despair. "You must have known I would..."

"This is why" he whispers, each movement of air is hurting his broken ribs.

"Are you trying to make me punish you?" Chin asks, unbelievingly.

"Somebody should..."

()()()

He calls Danny and tells him to send Kono away from HQ, and asks him to keep it quiet, and refuses to let him talk to Steve, in a way that gets Danny all riled up and concerned. When they reach HQ, and Danny is waiting downstairs, gazing in pure shock at his partner's appearance, Chin leaves the explanations to Steve, as he goes up to the change room, and washes the blood off his hands.

()()()

It's the first time any of them can remember Danny keeping his silence for such a long time, as they sit all three of them in the break room, quietly looking at each other.

"How could you?" Danny asks, eventually, raising from his seat and walking around the room. It's supposed to be Kono's question, so maybe this is the reason it hurts even more than Chin's blows.

"I don't know" he says quietly. "I didn't want to cross the line..."

"To cross the line?!" Danny shouts "you fucking bastard. You are so far past the fucking line, it's practically a _dot_, and not a line anymore."

"Don't you think I know that?" he tries to shout back, but it makes him to cough violently, and he thinks he's going to faint from the pain.

"You're not getting near her" Chin says seriously. " I mean it, you stay away from her, or I'll take it to the governor."

"What the hell did you do?" she asks, as she stands in the doorway, looking startled at his appearance.

()()()

They sit in the break room in front of each other for what seems like ages, and she's saying nothing. She runs her eyes all over his damaged body. Chin's work is nothing less than impressive, he can barely breath without experiencing excruciating pain. She's getting angrier and angrier by the second, though. Just typical of him to do something stupid like that, and try to become the martyr in this 'unholy mess', as he once put it. Miserable bastard. She should have been the one to make him pay, how dare he take it away from her? She should walk away, never look back, and let his poor excuse of a girlfriend to take care of him. But the way he looks at her, silently, empty and broken, keeps her glued to her place.

"Are you in pain?" she asks, trying to hide her resentment.

"I am" he says, not sure which pain she is actually referring to.

"Good" she spits. "I never saw anyone else who can think of so many stupid ideas in a single life time."

"Thanks" he mumbles. It actually sounds like a fair assessment.

"Well" she stands up, nudging his knee with her booted leg, and doing it anything but gently "get up. I'm taking you home."

()()()

She can see that something went completely wrong, by the way everything is turned upside down at his house. The pillows of the living room sofa, and couches are thrown on the floor, the cupboards and drawers are all yanked open, and the content is spread on the floor. The kitchen is a mess, and the bottom of the stairs is covered with piles of clothes. She leaves him alone to situate himself slowly on the armchair and continues with her curious exploration of his house. The bathroom is in a similar condition, everything thrown in the bathtub, and on the floor, and the drawers are all opened, and empty. She has a minute of hesitation before she enters his bedroom, or the 'scene of the crime', as it's embedded in her mind since her last visit there, and sees the bed bare, and the pillows on the floor, with all the drawers empty, and their content also spilled all over the place. She starts to suspect he lost his sanity, completely.

"What happened here?" she asks when she comes back down, and finds him only mildly coherent after collapsing on the armchair, holding his arm across his chest, looking at her exhaustingly through a large bruise and considerable edema that prevent him from opening his eye all the way.

"Spring cleaning" he spits, closing his eyes as he leans back in his seat.

"It's still November outside."

He doesn't answer. He has no energy left, and he really would rather avoid further questioning on what looks like his semi-deranged actions. He's in pain, and he wants her out of here, because her presence makes the pain, almost unbearable.

She looks at him silently, and runs her eyes around the messed up house, but when she sees she's not going to get any answers, she leaves. She calls Danny though, and begs him to go and take care of him, and make sure he'll get to his bed, and take some pain killers. Danny is more than reluctant to do it, and argues that she shouldn't pay him this kind of attention, after what he did, but she's insisting enough, and Danny is loyal enough to promise to do it. She feels much better after he promises, and she can actually fall asleep after a couple of hours of tossing and turning in her bed, thinking about his unexpected actions. It doesn't matter in the least, he's there in her dreams anyway. In the morning she goes surfing earlier than usual, because the sea seems calmer than the tempest she has within her.

()()()

It takes him a few weeks to recuperate completely from Chin's assault. If you ask him, it's quicker than he deserves. He goes back to work, surrounded by his team's silence, on every turn. It's so heavy and suffocating, he starts to think he will never be able to fix any of this. He looks at her from time to time, searching for her brown eyes, and her reassuring smile, but she has nothing to offer him, wrapping herself in the daily assignments. Chin and Danny are physically keeping her away from him, and he can only hope that she's safe.

He spends most of the time in his office, to allow them to rebuild their normal routine. He is happy to see their comfort level rising slowly, from behind his office walls. The fact that they can even laugh one day, all three of them, together, gives him some hope that it's all going to work out, eventually.

()()()

It takes almost three more weeks, until he has no other option, but to work with her alone again. Chin and Danny are assigned to work with HPD, and there's a child involved, so he has to take her with him to handle the questioning. He lets her drive her own car, though, to try and give her some sense of control, and it probably works, because it's the first time they actually talk.

()()()

They talk about guns. He has no idea how they even started. Because the next thing that happens is that she's telling him he's an idiot, and his choice of a sniper rifle is _'non elegant'_ at best. He is still very careful around her, walking on egg shells all the time, so he tries to see her point. Really really really tries... but he can't. He starts a long monologue supporting his choice of weapons, and she cuts him off in the middle, telling him exactly what she thinks about his _anachronistic arguments_, as she puts it, and it's rude, and she's wrong, and he was never the one to give up on his principles, so this is when the shouting starts.

()()()

They spend the rest of the ride, shouting at each other, not even listening to what the other one says, and it begins with the guns, and continues with the way he shoots, and then they comparing shooting range scores, and all hell breaks loose. She is so riled up, she just stops the car, and turns on her seat to face him, and she counts on one hand the amount of mistakes she saw him make, and starts screaming about other stuff too, and her words are all one mix of anger and fumes when she screams her heart out, and curses him, until she almost loses her voice. Her eyes are all teary, and her face blushed with the deep emotion as she scream at him all her anger and hurt. Until suddenly, she notices that he doesn't scream anymore, but just sits there, watching her in shock.

It's the burning fire in her eyes, when she looks at him, while she's shouting and screaming that brings him to his metaphorical knees. The high emotions, he sees there, look familiar. A second more with her in the same space, and he's not sure what he would find himself do.

He tells her to stay put, and gets out of the car closing the door behind him. She can see him pacing in front of the car, holding his head, and scratching the back of his neck, trying to breath away his want and his need to touch her. Then he stops, and just stands there, looking at her through the windshield, and she sits in her car, holding the wheel, and fighting to catch her breath too, looking back at him wildly. It takes ages, and ages, and ages... Until he is strong enough to come in the car again, so they can continue, silently, to go and do their work.

()()()

It's the way he looks so broken and hesitating, when his sister is taken and he has to fight to stay focused, in order to get her back to him, that captures her attention, suddenly, after so many weeks. The way he had kept his distance from her as well as from the rest of the team is no longer there, when he desperately needs them to help him protect Mary Ann. The way he is fighting to stay strong and reassuring, before he takes his sister to the airport, saying goodbye to her again, is what makes her realize how he got so used to always be fighting his battles alone.

()()()

It's right after his sister's leaving, when he still stands in the airport watching her walking away, and still seeing her face which shows the injuries she suffered, that he wonders about the unseen injuries she suffered as well. It's not the first time he finds himself doubt his decision to keep her away from him, but it's the first time he is not sure anymore if he had made this decision for her benefit, or for his own. He thinks about the other woman in his life that he had injured, and his usual sense of guilt and responsibility feels like a big cold void within him. When he looks around him, he feels empty, and alone.

()()()

He goes back to HQ and spends half the night going over and over the files that Mary Ann left, of his father's investigation. He is so obssessed with it, he doesn't even respond to Danny's encouragements to go home, when he finds him there, hunched over the data. When he eventually leaves, mainly because the security guard looks at him suspiciously, and also because he realizes there is still a working day tomorrow, so he should at least pretend like he's going to sleep, he's not even surprised to find himself driving towards her house.

()()()

He sits in his truck, and watches the dark windows, remembering the numerous nights he was doing the exact same thing, and trying to will himself to go home, before he'll do something he'd regret.

When he's finally ready to go, and reaches with his hand to the keys in the ignition, his phone rings.

"Are you coming in?" she asks when he picks up the phone, and he looks at the phone in confusion, to make sure it's really on. She hangs up, and he puts the phone back in his pocket and he gets out of the car, and walks towards the door. When he puts pressure on the handle, it gives in immediately.

He walks to her bedroom, to find her standing there, anxious, with her hand buried in her hair, and one leg, scratching nervously at the back of the other, looking at him expectantly. He walks slowly towards her, and stands so close, he can inhale her scent when he breathe. When she reaches her arms and gently wraps them around his neck, he realizes she is wearing his shirt.

()()()

They lie in her bed, and he stays in his clothes, too scared to do more than just lie there with her head lying on his chest. His arms are holding her tightly against him, and he's worried he might be hurting her, but he simply can't make himself relax enough to let go. When she puts her hand on his chest, right above his heart, he can relax a little bit, and stroke her hair gently. They never speak, or sleep, or move for hours. Just hold each other in the dark.

()()()

"You have to leave her" she says to him, first thing in the morning, when he wakes up and she's sitting curled in a chair in front of him, looking at him with intent.

"I did" he tells her, propping himself on his elbows "the same day you've asked."

"You did?"

"I did."

"Why?" she asks, and it's so unexpected, he has no other way rather than tell her the truth.

"Because you wanted me to, and because I'm not afraid anymore."

She looks at him seriously, and closes her eyes for a second, trying to breath away the tears, and to focus on him for a few seconds so she can decide what to do next.

"_Tell me_" she orders, and he can sense the urgency she suddenly has in her voice. He looks questioningly at her, not sure what she's expecting. "_Tell me!_" she repeats, fisting her hands in a violent demand "_tell me!_" She shouts.

"I love you" he says, finally. Because he does, and he knows it, and he's not afraid anymore, and he can only tell her the truth from now on.

There's a tense silent, when she looks at him, with big brown eyes, still silent, with her mouth open, as if she has something to say back at this simple declaration. But there's silence, and he watches her in trepidation, because he has no idea what she'll do now, and he has nothing to hide anymore.

She sits up in the chair, and slides her hands on _her-his_ shirt, and she shakes her hair back, behind her shoulders, breathing deeply, relaxing her neck and her mind. He just watches her, moving softly and delicately like a cat, waiting for her to acknowledge something. Anything...

"Good" she tells him, as she stands up, and extaends her hand towards him "and don't you fucking forget it!"

He takes her hand, and gets up of the bed, following her, as she leads him towards the bathroom.

()()()

An hour later, after he has her clutching him forcefully, and he can feel her muscles pulsate around him, as he brings her over the edge of ecstasy under the hot current. After her screams and moans subside, and she hangs on his arms, trying to regain her breaths. As she looks into his eyes, while she slowly strokes his wet hair, she whispers something sweet and beautiful in his ear. She's telling him that she loves him too.


End file.
